Bouldering is a sport of how hard you can try.  I learned this on a trip to Hueco Tanks to train for “real” rock climbing.  Yes, I said it bouldering is practice climbing, at least for me it is.  Being primarily a big wall climber, bouldering is a training tool to gain power.  Trying hard comes down to how much psych A.K.A. testosterone you can summon from those ostrich egg sized testis or ovaries that produce our testosterone.   Summoning this much testosterone is dangerous for many reasons that we will discuss.  Woman are at less risk because their inferior bodies produce seven to eight times less testosterone than the superior race of men.  Some of the dangers of too much testosterone include increased sperm production in both men and women, male pattern baldness in women, excessive facial hair, increased sex drive, increased impulsiveness, increased aggression, and elevated irritation.

Is it a dream or reality?  It is unknown, but my pelvic area is convulsing and there is some rigor mortis thrown in as well.  Slowly I come out of my hypnagogic state and realize I have gone through another pair of underpants.   The day before I had tried very hard on a boulder which produced too much testosterone.  Trying hard has its price, and that price is paid in many loads of wash.

Hueco is full of females who stay the whole season from November to mid March and their faces are becoming very strange looking.   All of their trying hard is transferring the hair from the top of their head to their face.  As seen in this climber who just tried very hard and summoned a dangerous dose of testosterone on D esperanza.

           bald w: facial hair

Increased testosterone can lead to an increased sex drive and impulsiveness.  Satisfying this urge can be incredibly difficult with all the dirtbag climbers in Hueco.  Showers cost a pretty penny and with a large portion of your funds being spent at the laundry mat washing crusty underpants a shower may be put on the back burner.  The repulsive odor of climbers and increased impulsiveness can lead to dangerous substitutes as shown in the picture below.


            The final danger of too much testosterone is escalated aggression and irritation.  I was climbing on the famous Martini Roof all by myself.  As the day progressed people began to show up until there were around twenty people.  With each burn I summoned more testosterone and with each additional person entering martini roof my aggression grew as well.  This caused my body to rumble with rage.   A kid walked to the start of the boulder problem I was trying with his sweaty unchalked hands and slippers on his feet.  He grabbed the crux holds, placed his dirt-crusted slippers on the footholds and attempted the move.  I lashed out and said, “put some chalk on before you grab those holds!”  He was taken back and was obviously ignorant to common bouldering etiquette.   His friend replied, “can you ask nicely?”  I retorted “its common courtesy!”  I thought I was going to get into a fight over someone touching a rock.  If this progressed I would most likely end up with multiple black eyes and a few forced rest days in Hueco Tanks, which is hell on earth.

Trying hard is dangerous due to the side effect of excessive amounts of testosterone.  As a wannabe nurse with no medical knowledge or authority I would advise you to only try hard when necessary or if you would like to get into cactus fucking.


WARNING: All the content above may be misleading and written in false context. Except the part about how men are the superior race.